Saturday, August 9, 2008
Sell Out
I resigned yesterday. Gave my two weeks' notice.
It was hard. I can write words, but I can't say words very well sometimes. Not the greatest trait for an attorney.
My firm was historically run by one Head Guy, its founder. Very recently, Former Head Guy retired and there is a New Head Guy in charge. So it was pretty awkward to tell New Head Guy I was resigning. But I guess in some ways it was easier than telling Former Head Guy, to whom I feel some sort of duty or loyalty.
I went into New Head Guy's office and tried to say, "I accepted a job offer elsewhere." It came out completely different. When that happens, my sister says that words are falling out of her house. Well, words were definitely falling out of my house in New Head Guy's office. I said something like, "I offered an acceptance job."
He looked at me funny, and I started over, after clearing my throat. Suddenly, it came out okay. "I accepted a job offer elsewhere." I had thought of so many things to say, prepared a little speech, but, after I got that out, I felt like my job was done. The ball was in his court.
He asked where and then said, "so, I take it they're going to pay you more money, is that it? It's mainly about the money?"
One thing I like about New Head Guy is that he is very direct and to the point. I said, "yes, they are paying me more money, and it is a unique opportunity." Then came my prepared speech, most of which was true. "It's not that I'm unhappy here or that I have any complaints per se, it's just that this is an opportunity elsewhere that I can't pass up."
Blah blah blah.
He actually asked me if my decision was final and whether there was anything the firm could do to get me to change my mind. K (my SO) and his parents had said that my firm would probably offer something like that, but I guess I never really imagined it as a real possibility. At my firm, everything is based on lock step raises. I started with two other associates; we all went to the same law school together, and we all clerked at the firm for the summer. When it was time to give us an offer, Former Head Guy called us into his office and said the firm wanted to hire all three of us, and we would be making such and such an amount. It was not very high, but we all accepted, because there is great stability with this firm, the chance to become partner relatively quickly, a great life/ work balance. Etc. Pretty soon we all got a hefty raise to keep us up to date with associates at the other big firms in town. Nice. Then we all got another regular raise. All in step with each other. So I didn't know a raise just for me was a possibility. And quite honestly, I'm not sure if it really would be, because the firm is in shaky economic state at the moment, with some 12 attorneys who recently departed (the firm, not the earth, thank goodness).
I am not leaving for the reasons most of these attorneys left, mainly attributed to the change in leadership and various gripes they had against the way that Former Head Guy was planning for, or, rather, not planning for, the transition. I am leaving, like I was trying to tell New Head Guy, not because there are a bunch of things about my current firm that I hate, but rather because there are a lot of awesome things about the new firm that I am attracted to. Most notably, the much heftier paycheck and the chance for "incentives" and "bonuses", options which are not available to associates at my current firm. Also, there appears to be better work at the new firm, which does complex litigation and only for clients willing to pay well for it. It helps that it's a national firm with multiple offices, to bring in clients and work and also to give me an excuse to travel! And it's more hands-on experience, because the litigation group only consists of three people, including me. It's just hard to explain all the great allures of the new firm without making my current firm sound dumpy in comparison.
I did okay with New Head Guy. He took it well and seemed to understand. He was even super nice, telling me that the firm really values me and everyone has been impressed with my work. He said he considers my leaving a great loss for the firm but wishes me the best in this new opportunity. How very classy of him.
I left with a bigger head, but I still felt bad. This firm, soon to be my Former Firm, gave me my first (well, only!) clerkship opportunity while I was still in law school. It paid for me to take the Bar. It held a reception for me when I passed the Bar (still can't believe that one) and got sworn in. My dad attended, flying in from the East Coast, as well as K and his parents, and my friend T. It was a very family-like atmosphere. They have been good to me, giving me good raises and training me very, very well. But of course there have been some down parts, like at any firm I guess, and the plain truth is that I cannot turn down this huge jump in salary.
I was feeling pretty good, but word travels fast and soon I was having to explain my decision to other directors. Some of them took it quite personally, which made me feel bad. I'm a sucker when it comes to emotions. But everyone who came to talk to me was very nice, and sang my praises, and quite honestly, I didn't realize how valued I was here. One director offered to lobby on my behalf for a raise. He told me I will be a partner here and making over six figures by the time I am 30. That is true. However, I will be making that now at the new firm. Although I won't be up for partnership until I'm the ripe old age of 34. But as long as they pay me that well, I quite honestly don't care whether they call me Associate, Income Partner, Equity Partner, or Slavehorse, which I will essentially be. Everyone tried to get me to see that I'll have to bill so many more hours there. There isn't the same kind of job security; they won't hesitate to ax me if I don't make the cut. But then one director said I'm always welcome to come back here if I don't like it. That was not a good selling point on his behalf because it just made me think, "well, see, I'll go try it out, and I can always come back."
Except I don't want to come back. I know I am probably walking away from this firm forever, and NOT because there's anything wrong with it, but because it's my past, and I am focused on my future. I had some personal issues while I was here. It went through quite literally "the best of times, worst of times" kind of thing. I have learned a lot from my experience and I know I will make some better choices at New Firm. I have no where to go but up, and I feel that if I were to stay here or return here, I would be regressing, not progressing.
I feel like my life has been so stressed lately, due to my own choices. Poor prioritizing and organization etc. So I have been trying to re-vamp it and a new job is part of that. So is my goal to make sure I fit in all the important things, and making sure to do things for *me*. Reading and writing were such an integral part of my youth, and I gave them up for awhile to pursue a career as an attorney. Now I'm realizing that I can have both. In fact, I need both to feel whole and happy. It's strange but by making sure I can fit in the important things, I reduce my stress.
I got the impression that most of my colleagues felt like I was selling out. Leaving this balanced place for a more aggressive, competitive job for more money. But I don't feel that way. I feel like I am going to be paid closer to what I am worth. And I'm not going to sell out myself anymore. I will honor the things that have been important to me since childhood, all while making a boatload of cash as the hard-working and ambitious attorney I have always been. I am cashing in on my true potential. Can anyone say ca-ching? ;)
It was hard. I can write words, but I can't say words very well sometimes. Not the greatest trait for an attorney.
My firm was historically run by one Head Guy, its founder. Very recently, Former Head Guy retired and there is a New Head Guy in charge. So it was pretty awkward to tell New Head Guy I was resigning. But I guess in some ways it was easier than telling Former Head Guy, to whom I feel some sort of duty or loyalty.
I went into New Head Guy's office and tried to say, "I accepted a job offer elsewhere." It came out completely different. When that happens, my sister says that words are falling out of her house. Well, words were definitely falling out of my house in New Head Guy's office. I said something like, "I offered an acceptance job."
He looked at me funny, and I started over, after clearing my throat. Suddenly, it came out okay. "I accepted a job offer elsewhere." I had thought of so many things to say, prepared a little speech, but, after I got that out, I felt like my job was done. The ball was in his court.
He asked where and then said, "so, I take it they're going to pay you more money, is that it? It's mainly about the money?"
One thing I like about New Head Guy is that he is very direct and to the point. I said, "yes, they are paying me more money, and it is a unique opportunity." Then came my prepared speech, most of which was true. "It's not that I'm unhappy here or that I have any complaints per se, it's just that this is an opportunity elsewhere that I can't pass up."
Blah blah blah.
He actually asked me if my decision was final and whether there was anything the firm could do to get me to change my mind. K (my SO) and his parents had said that my firm would probably offer something like that, but I guess I never really imagined it as a real possibility. At my firm, everything is based on lock step raises. I started with two other associates; we all went to the same law school together, and we all clerked at the firm for the summer. When it was time to give us an offer, Former Head Guy called us into his office and said the firm wanted to hire all three of us, and we would be making such and such an amount. It was not very high, but we all accepted, because there is great stability with this firm, the chance to become partner relatively quickly, a great life/ work balance. Etc. Pretty soon we all got a hefty raise to keep us up to date with associates at the other big firms in town. Nice. Then we all got another regular raise. All in step with each other. So I didn't know a raise just for me was a possibility. And quite honestly, I'm not sure if it really would be, because the firm is in shaky economic state at the moment, with some 12 attorneys who recently departed (the firm, not the earth, thank goodness).
I am not leaving for the reasons most of these attorneys left, mainly attributed to the change in leadership and various gripes they had against the way that Former Head Guy was planning for, or, rather, not planning for, the transition. I am leaving, like I was trying to tell New Head Guy, not because there are a bunch of things about my current firm that I hate, but rather because there are a lot of awesome things about the new firm that I am attracted to. Most notably, the much heftier paycheck and the chance for "incentives" and "bonuses", options which are not available to associates at my current firm. Also, there appears to be better work at the new firm, which does complex litigation and only for clients willing to pay well for it. It helps that it's a national firm with multiple offices, to bring in clients and work and also to give me an excuse to travel! And it's more hands-on experience, because the litigation group only consists of three people, including me. It's just hard to explain all the great allures of the new firm without making my current firm sound dumpy in comparison.
I did okay with New Head Guy. He took it well and seemed to understand. He was even super nice, telling me that the firm really values me and everyone has been impressed with my work. He said he considers my leaving a great loss for the firm but wishes me the best in this new opportunity. How very classy of him.
I left with a bigger head, but I still felt bad. This firm, soon to be my Former Firm, gave me my first (well, only!) clerkship opportunity while I was still in law school. It paid for me to take the Bar. It held a reception for me when I passed the Bar (still can't believe that one) and got sworn in. My dad attended, flying in from the East Coast, as well as K and his parents, and my friend T. It was a very family-like atmosphere. They have been good to me, giving me good raises and training me very, very well. But of course there have been some down parts, like at any firm I guess, and the plain truth is that I cannot turn down this huge jump in salary.
I was feeling pretty good, but word travels fast and soon I was having to explain my decision to other directors. Some of them took it quite personally, which made me feel bad. I'm a sucker when it comes to emotions. But everyone who came to talk to me was very nice, and sang my praises, and quite honestly, I didn't realize how valued I was here. One director offered to lobby on my behalf for a raise. He told me I will be a partner here and making over six figures by the time I am 30. That is true. However, I will be making that now at the new firm. Although I won't be up for partnership until I'm the ripe old age of 34. But as long as they pay me that well, I quite honestly don't care whether they call me Associate, Income Partner, Equity Partner, or Slavehorse, which I will essentially be. Everyone tried to get me to see that I'll have to bill so many more hours there. There isn't the same kind of job security; they won't hesitate to ax me if I don't make the cut. But then one director said I'm always welcome to come back here if I don't like it. That was not a good selling point on his behalf because it just made me think, "well, see, I'll go try it out, and I can always come back."
Except I don't want to come back. I know I am probably walking away from this firm forever, and NOT because there's anything wrong with it, but because it's my past, and I am focused on my future. I had some personal issues while I was here. It went through quite literally "the best of times, worst of times" kind of thing. I have learned a lot from my experience and I know I will make some better choices at New Firm. I have no where to go but up, and I feel that if I were to stay here or return here, I would be regressing, not progressing.
I feel like my life has been so stressed lately, due to my own choices. Poor prioritizing and organization etc. So I have been trying to re-vamp it and a new job is part of that. So is my goal to make sure I fit in all the important things, and making sure to do things for *me*. Reading and writing were such an integral part of my youth, and I gave them up for awhile to pursue a career as an attorney. Now I'm realizing that I can have both. In fact, I need both to feel whole and happy. It's strange but by making sure I can fit in the important things, I reduce my stress.
I got the impression that most of my colleagues felt like I was selling out. Leaving this balanced place for a more aggressive, competitive job for more money. But I don't feel that way. I feel like I am going to be paid closer to what I am worth. And I'm not going to sell out myself anymore. I will honor the things that have been important to me since childhood, all while making a boatload of cash as the hard-working and ambitious attorney I have always been. I am cashing in on my true potential. Can anyone say ca-ching? ;)
Labels: change, FormerFirm, goodbyes
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